Grief

I never knew grief so intimately before. People I loved lived and they died. It was expected. It was normalcy. I never expected the man I love with all my heart to die so suddenly. That was not normal. People that have never lost a husband or wife have been trying to tell me that I should not grieve so deeply or so long. It is pointless to try to teach them to understand. They mean well, but they have not experienced such a loss. You see, when you love so deeply, you grieve just as deeply.

I was once one of those ignorant people. I thought life should just move forward and the bereaved should just heal with time. Now I know just how ignorant it is to say “Time heals all wounds.” Time may heal many physical wounds, but it most certainly does not heal all wounds. I no longer expect people to understand, but I do expect them to respect my right to miss my husband.

ImageThey say to me, “You should get over it” right before they lie down next to their beloved in their own bed. I lie down holding the pillow that his head rested upon as he took his last breath. The bereaved do not crave pity, nor do they crave attention. What they crave is the love they lost. What they crave cannot be found on this earth or in this lifetime…and that knowledge is devastating. Every loss is different. Everyone grieves differently. Time does not heal all wounds. Time simply marches on and brings the bereaved one step closer to home. And that knowledge keeps the last vestige of hope alive upon the teardrops staining the blood which clings onto the wounded heart.

rr.

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8 thoughts on “Grief

  1. i hate when people say “just get over it” do they not think if one could, one would?? that is just a cruel and calus statment. sorry you had to hear that. as far as time healing all wounds, i’m with you…it doesn’t. take your time, take care of you.

  2. I know what you mean. There is no comfort in the words “time heals all wounds.” To me, it’s just an empty platitude. There is no time line for grief and in fact, it is a wound that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives and sometimes, when we least expect it, our greif will pay us a visit, as if to say “hey, I’m lonely, can I hang out with you for a while?”

    Thanks for sharing from your heart.

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