Walls painted pure in white with stains of charlatan veneer seeping through plaster. Rising from the pews are faces wearing the façade of devotion while dark desire stirs within their loins. Mantras masked in fear dripping from tongues dipped in the dried ink of detestation. The impressionable little children absorb the fumes of ancestral bigotry within open minds hungry for information, amidst woven carpets where goodness lay still within pores of stone. Beneath ancient stone, love silently weeps to escape the vacillation of humanity’s misinterpretation.
And while He shudders with disgust at thousands of years’ accumulation of odious and ignorant delusion, He embraces a starving homeless man donning disheveled garments, lying helplessly in the dark alley, just behind the mound of plaster where echoes of brimstone scream in laughter, where fat women dressed in flowers baked bread all night for the charming pastor, whose spittle reeks of hypocrisy. With disappointment in His eyes and all knowledge in His being, He carries His child Home, where hatred exists no more.
I often think about the pain people endure. Physical pain…emotional pain…it all hurts. For some, it becomes a pissing contest to see who hurts worse. What a sad reflection of humanity. There are days that I pray to God to allow me to go home, but I know in my soul that there are others hurting so deeply that I cannot begin to fathom their pain. We all hurt. It stems from our free will. As I walked my little schnauzer this evening, I talked to God. My feet are hurting so badly from plantar fasciitis that sometimes I do not think I can take another step, but I keep stepping because I must. I agreed to this path long, long ago. I know that deep within my soul, but it does not prevent me from begging God to let me go home. As the schnauzer and I walked, I announced to God that I have accepted the fact that I will never again be loved, but what is so difficult is accepting that I cannot see my love ever again in this life. I asked God how much longer I must suffer. There was only silence. Not even the wind dared to whisper.